I’m in love with a married woman

Dear Hillie

I am in love with an unhappily married woman who, although she admits she fancies me and gave me a Valentine’s card saying she ‘had the hots for me’, feels morally committed to her husband. I’m divorced but want a long-term relationship. I would love to make her and her two children happy. How can I win her? She’s never been unfaithful but we meet for lunch two or three times a week and speak on the phone almost every day. I love her very much. Please advise.

Hillie says:

If you really love her and have her best interests at heart, you should break contact with her. As long as she has you to occupy her thoughts, to look forward to meeting and speaking to each day, she will remain in limbo. Give her space to sort out her marital problems, but let her know that should she eventually decide that her marriage is over you could be around to help pick up the pieces. In the meantime try to change your life in a positive way. Develop new hobbies and interests, join group activities and make new friends. Once your life becomes busy and fun you will have little time to grieve over this unrewarding relationship.